I feel not bad since I start to journalize. I have done that 3 days. My mind becomes more and more clear and I have had a stronger self-control ability than before. Although I still check messages on my phone and watch some videos, the frequency has reduced a lot. So I should call it a progress.
But I still need to optimize myself. I should not be proud of that. Once we think we are great, that will be the beginning of bad things. Waiting for 90 seconds before starting an action is really helpful for avoiding to trap into addictive products.
I don’t feel very good. On June 30, I wrote an review. During this process for about 2 hours, my mind started to clear. I felt so bad at first. But slowly, I started to feel better. I started to focus on one thing. I paid all my attention to writing, one so simple thing. Peacefulness comes from process. We cannot get this state only by 5 minutes, if we are in a state of chaos. I should be patient to boredom, which means doing nothing. I should accept doing nothing. I am not a donkey or a monkey that is driven to finish tasks one after one other.
So what can you do? – I am sure that I need to stop looking for stimuli. I want to know what I should do next.
Actually, I ask this question many times since the beginning of this year. I tried something, then I gave up. But it’s ok. It’s acceptable. I should know that keep going is more important than any other thing.
Now, everything is ok. I almost finish everything. I finished Goethe A1 test but just yet don’t know the result, which I confidently estimate passed. And I delivered German Visa material on May 25. So now I just need to wait the result during the next 4 weeks. I know everything is ok.
It is time to consider what’s next.
I suppose that it will be full of possibility. I like writing in an independent place instead of at home, which is with zero productivity and full of tempts.
About one year ago, I planned to study iOS development. At that time, I was a backend and data development engineer. In 2024, I self-learned the Rust programming language by leveraging weekend time. Since the idea of building a personal project has always been on my mind, mastering iOS development seems like a natural next step. Over the past year, my learning has been intermittent. I failed to reach my goal until this year. I actually attempted to learn through the following resources:
It has passed 45 days since I finished my GRE test in Dec 21, 2025. During this period, I didn’t do anything matching to call a milestone. I, inescapably, was affected by the environment, which lacks triggers of trying something hard yet is full of elements advising me to lie down.
I have changed my plan several times this month from preparing for IELTS test again, to studying vibe coding, to reading a book relevant to bitcoin. I am still confused what to do next.