How about your feeling? – I feel not good.
So what can you do? – I am sure that I need to stop looking for stimuli. I want to know what I should do next.
Actually, I ask this question many times since the beginning of this year. I tried something, then I gave up. But it’s ok. It’s acceptable. I should know that keep going is more important than any other thing.
Now, everything is ok. I almost finish everything. I finished Goethe A1 test but just yet don’t know the result, which I confidently estimate passed. And I delivered German Visa material on May 25. So now I just need to wait the result during the next 4 weeks. I know everything is ok.
It is time to consider what’s next.
I suppose that it will be full of possibility. I like writing in an independent place instead of at home, which is with zero productivity and full of tempts.
About one year ago, I planned to study iOS development. At that time, I was a backend and data development engineer. In 2024, I self-learned the Rust programming language by leveraging weekend time. Since the idea of building a personal project has always been on my mind, mastering iOS development seems like a natural next step. Over the past year, my learning has been intermittent. I failed to reach my goal until this year. I actually attempted to learn through the following resources:
天气在一点点由暖转热，这是非常舒服的时节。到目前为止，又过去了一个半月，这段时间发生了很多。我在面试了四五家公司都不如意之后，决定放弃继续面试，把时间投入在自己想学的事情上。尽管继续找工作肯定会找到，但花费大量精力后，只工作四五个月就离开，总觉得不划算。另外，我不确定自己是否还受得了公司文化，当初自己急切地想离职就是因为不想在公司再多待一天，现在再回去可能会让自己痛苦不堪。
春天已经来了，不是吗？年已经过完了，人们再出发，新一轮的循环又开始了。我再回到杭州，找一份短期工作。2.27 回来，到现在是第8天，我慢慢适应了再次一个人的节奏。到目前为止，我面试了两间公司，后面还有两间公司。时间不紧不慢，一件事如果要做，就必须要经历过程，状态的跳跃不存在。
Action first.
It has passed 45 days since I finished my GRE test in Dec 21, 2025. During this period, I didn’t do anything matching to call a milestone. I, inescapably, was affected by the environment, which lacks triggers of trying something hard yet is full of elements advising me to lie down.
I have changed my plan several times this month from preparing for IELTS test again, to studying vibe coding, to reading a book relevant to bitcoin. I am still confused what to do next.
| 序号 | 书名 | 时间 | 评分 | 笔记 |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Clear Thinking | 2025-01-22 | 4 | 看了一半，相似的书看太多，看不下去了。作者像是在换一种方式在表达斯多葛主义。 |
| 2 | 死屋手记 | 2026-01-26 | 4 | |
| 3 | 反脆弱：从不确定性中获益 | 2026-02-02 | 4.5 | 非对称性风险与收益，作者讨论生活中各个方面的脆弱性，观点很激进，但是提供新的想法值得我们尊敬，我们不需要墨守成规，获得收益但不承担风险的人。 |
| 4 | Fluent Forever | 2026-05-03 | 5 | Teach you how to learn a new language. |
| 5 | 把自己作为方法：与项飙谈话 | 2026-05-15 | 4 | 推荐推荐，人类学家看社会很有启发。 |
| 6 | It doesn’t have to be crazy at work | 2026-05-21 | 4 | 作者对工作的看法，很多是反直觉的，有些跟之前的书有重复。 |
| 7 | 拉法：纳达尔自传 | 2026-05-24 | 4 | 一位传奇的网球明星，不是很系统的自传，但对了解网球运动和作者内心活动有启发，比如网球其实比拼的是心理和忍耐。 |
| 8 | Tim Cook: The Genius Who Took Apple to the Next Level | 2026-06-04 | 3 | 作者不行，写的太水了。 |
Writing helps me organize my mind and think clear.
When I lived with myself, I had many whimsical thoughts about other people that I suppose representing sufficient possibilities. Now, after living two weeks with my relatives, my mind has changed. What I want to do and I can do has changed. I start to connect with my relatives and think in a way that is more similar to them. Original thoughts and plans have changed. I realize that reluctant emotion emerges. We influence others, vice versa.
2025年最后一天，开封下起了雪，而恰巧我在这里，日子像平常一般流过，但一年又要结束了，是时候，我要仔细想想这一年了。我很清楚自己还会度过很多个这样的日子，只是每次一整年的回看都会带来不一样的感受，就像是完成一场马拉松，路途很长，每一步虽无聊但必要，到达终点后又会惊叹自己一口气可以跑这么远，同样，我也惊叹自己这一整年做了很多事。另外，更多的独处让我认识到自己是一个什么样的人。
Ok, let’s start.
我现在不需要工作，主要任务项只有一个——准备德国大学申请资料，9月份的时候我考完了雅思，然后准备APS考试（德国对大陆学生的本科学习情况的考试），最终考试时间是11月20号。